


What He Said

by patrick-will-consume (dave_thecreator)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Abusive Siblings, Abusive relationships with siblings, Blood, Loss of Limbs, Multi, Murder, Slow Burn AF, friendships, implied anxiety attacks, jesse and genji are endgame, one sided reaper76, satya and fareeha are endgame, strained relationships with siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:20:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 13,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8152120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dave_thecreator/pseuds/patrick-will-consume
Summary: Random memories from Genji point of view. Goes from the early days of Overwatch to the end of it and after that. Genji is 15 when he first joins Overwatch.English is not my first language so I apologize in advance. There is hints of Genji and Jesse being romantic, and Jack having a crush on Gabriel. Also Satya and Fareeha are going to end up together as well.(Discontinued lol)Chapters are REALLY short but there's more than 30 pages of written work so far.





	1. Operation

It wasn't long before Overwatch took me. Their crew found me on the brink of death and told me they had to take me away. Fast. The injuries were not small enough to be fixed right there and then. They took me back to their doctor’s base quick.

The Doctor, Doctor Ziegler, told me this would be my new home. A nice place with running pipes, stairs to every corner, and a basement and many washrooms. No one will ever hurt you, not around with me, she said. I will watch over you, do not worry. And she laughed a carefree laugh and held my metal hand in hers and I laughed along.

The commander, Jack, I think his name was, wanted to see me.

You are from the Shimada Clan, right? He asked.

Yes, I said, nodding my head.

They must've done a number on you, kid.

Yes, I responded, and he left me and the Doctor in silence again.


	2. Fareeha

The girl, with hair all up in the air, had tan lines and she smelled like tea and a smile that was too contagious.

My names Lena, love, and she giggled. She didn't need a joke or anyone to amuse her, she amused herself. She put her head back and cackled until her lungs gave out.

Fareeha, the girl too young to be my friend. She said to me I was her Big Brother and she would be my little sister. A little sister, someone to take responsibility after.

She liked the jokes I told and said, Genji, I like your funny helmet, and would tug and tug at the fins until she got bored.

Genji, would you let me paint your face? I will bite the the brush and dip it into the make-up powder and make you look pretty? Can I? And she brought her little box with different assortments of colors and painted my faceplate until it was mostly blue.

Youre one of my best friends, and friend of my own, she told me. And you can tell me all your secrets.


	3. My Name

In English my name means Two beginnings. Two beginnings, the doctor told me. You have your second chance here, with us, and she tapped my head.


	4. Jesse Mccree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he got spurs that jingle jangle

He says, I'm Jesse Mccree, ex member of Deadlock. Heard of them before?

Jesse Mccree, the 17 year old with a cat's smile and a cowboy hat. And boots with spurs. He was tall and pretty fit, with a weird way of talking that I liked because it suits him.

I've been in his room before. Its full of western movies. Old ones, new ones, anything. Even kids movies. As long as there was a cowboy in it, he probably had it.

He quotes them a lot. I hear him sometimes while eating recite whole paragraphs or script from the Living Tombstone and he would clasp his hands together and continue eating. 

You want a friend? He asks. I'll be your friend, no problemo. You and me can chill together, and uh, do things you know.

I accept his offer almost as quick as he asked me.


	5. Cats In A House

One day me and Mccree passed by some buildings while sitting on the payload. 

I want a house one day, he tells me. A house to myself, big and most likely dusty. And a bunch of cats. Old cats, young cats, cats in my room and outside and maybe in the kitchen. 

Why so many cats? I ask.

I don't know, and he smiles, I just like cute things. I will name one of them Clint Eastwood, and he will be my favorite cat. Oh my god, Clint Eastwood. And my second favorite will be named Woody. 

And he let out a laugh, and I heard him snort.

We can be dirty old, tiny men, he says, and yell at young punks on our green lawn. And I want flowers in my bedroom. And 10 pairs of boots and 7 hats. One hat for each day. And you can get your room and have your own things too.

 

That sounds wonderful, and I flick his face. He flicks me back.


	6. Mi Mama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> headcanon mccree before deadlock was a poor kid

Sometimes when I walk into Mccree’s bedroom, I see him on his wooden chair staring at the wall. He takes out his radio and plays the Spanish station and talks to himself.

My house, he says, I miss my house. Mi mama, she probably thinks I’m dead, he tells me.

Deadlock put a sack on my head and took me away. They told me they will give me my own place, with my clothes and my food and my shoes next my bed. My own bed, can you believe it? My own bed, he finishes off and crosses his arms.

Home, home, home...a small brown house near a dense forest, the only thing I can know about it is through Mccree’s words. He sometimes sighs and zones out, thinking about his old home. With his mom and his younger brother and the horses he used to ride. He would cry about it. I know I would.

Sometimes Gabriel Reyes, his papi as he calls him, tries to comfort him. 

This is your new home, mi hijo. He says.

I know, I know, I know. Mccree says back. And he would tear up.


	7. Eyes Like Her Mom

Fareeha likes staying up late with me and Jesse. Late on Thursdays she would like to play with cards. She would sip on orange pop and shuffle the cards while sitting on the floor.

She likes to paint our faces a lot. She puts on eyeliner first, that's favorite part.

You now have my mom's eyes, she says, Eyes like her.

She loves to dance. She always asks us to take turns being her dancing partner, and to swing her around.

Whenever Gabriel takes us out, Fareeha asks us if we like her outfit.

I love your black coat and shoes, Jesse would say. Your outfit is perfect, hermana. 

And she would giggle and say thank you, thank you.

She loved having us as her friends, despite the age gap. Someone to laugh at her jokes and to tell things to. She wants a house. A house with a porch and flowers in the front, and big with a room waiting for her when she arrives. That's what she would say.

I miss my mom, Fareeha would say, I miss her a lot. I know you miss her too, Jesse.

He would nod, and hold her small hand.

Your mom misses you as well, he tells her.


	8. Daydream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have a lot of thoughts about the cowman

Jesse loves to daydream, he would look at the ceiling in the common room. Imagining he was in a large home with no nosy neighbors or traffic. Trees surrounding it and many windows so when it's nice and the sky is blue, he could open the windows and embrace it. To sleep and wake when he wants, and to not worry about anyone after him.

To not worry about who hates him and who doesn't. No one to bother and no one to bother him.


	9. Hanzo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji has a nightmare also warning for blood, and Hanzo stabs/cuts off Genji's limbs.

Hanzo, why did you do that? The way you hurt me, the way you stabbed me with that sword of yours until I couldn't speak anymore.

Hanzo. You told me you would always be my brother, someone to protect me no matter how old I will get. Hanzo, I trusted you will my life and you wanted to take it.

I loved to be with you, Hanzo. I never hated you. You got mad at me and I would too but I knew still that you cared for me. I loved seeing you laugh and being happy. Where did it go wrong?

Hanzo, a thousand times, maybe more than that. Stop stop, but you didn't. You grabbed me by the shoulders and told me, Im sorry, Im sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, a million more times.

I wanted you gone, get away from me. I told you stop, but when I did you slashed me in the face until I tasted blood in my mouth and I couldn't feel my cheeks anymore.

Shut up, you said, shut up shut up, and you twisted it deeper into my arm. Shut up shut up.

You're a liar, you lied, about always being there. You lied. Everything, wrong, incorrect. You sawed them off. My arms. You cut them off. I heard you bubble into tears, shut up shut up, I'm sorry I'm sorry.

The sky turned dark, and you didn't stop. You lied, you lied so much. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And that's what you said.


	10. A Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> genji is gay for the cowboy

I swear, I was probably imagining it. But he stared at me. Jesse, I mean.

I knew he was looking. I passed his room and he would look at me. It scared me a bit, made me nervous, but I didn't let him know.

I stared back like he was a glass cup, and that my gaze alone would shatter him. I did, at least two times anyways until he laughed and asked if this was some sort of staring contest. My knees didn't seem to work anymore.

A staring contest would be...unfair, I said, because my face plate would hide if I was cheating or not. 

He kept laughing, a joke I didn't get.

My blood felt like it would freeze. The look. The look he gave, was a flirty one. I recognized it. The smug smile and half-lidded eyes, as he casually put his hand on my shoulder. I knew this, I knew this game. The one that made Hanzo get irritated every time he walked in my room to wake me up and I wasn't alone.

Someone looked at me. Like that. I don't understand, I was barely even human anymore. I don't understand what would make someone take interest in me. I was the nobody.

He was in my dream. He held me in his arms so hard and sure, everything in me held its breath and it almost broke me. I couldn't feel my face and my fingers felt like they would fall off, and my ears itched. It was just a dream, of course. To have a guy that good looking, to embrace you and show you how to kiss.

He told me once he dated a guy, but he wouldn't say who. Someone in Deadlock he told me. How did Jesse hold him. In my dreams, I would ask him. 

Mccree, how would you hug him? How would you kiss him? Like this? And I would kiss him and he would kiss back.


	11. Dress Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> walk walk fashion baby

Fareeha took out three boxes of high heels. Try these on, she said, and handed us each one box.

Jesse got bright green ones, and they barely fit him. Too small. Meanwhile Fareeha's shoes were too big, a bright yellow pair, and they would almost slip off. 

Somehow, the shoes stayed on my feet. Two bright blue ones.

Wow, its like you're Cinderella, Jesse joked. He asked me to twirl, so he can see how the shoes fit better, and I twirled.

Get ready you two! Fareeha shouts and we stand in front of her.

Imma teach you guys how to walk in these high heels, she said.

She made us walk correctly, and how to dance and play hopscotch in them. She would hit our backs pretty hard so we would have our posture straight.

Fareehas legs are short and has scars that are scabbed since she always picked at them. She liked to skip in the odd fitting high heels and she would laugh at herself. 

Jesse is really good at strutting in those neon green heels, he caught on quick. Fareeha is amused, and asks him to do some dances in them because she finds it entertaining. And he does it perfectly too. I enjoy it too much.

He had long legs, and the shoes made them look even longer. Are they nice to look at? He asked me, and I would feel my neck get a burning sensation.

I do, I do. Yes, I told him.

When he twirled I couldn't take my eyes off him. Jesse was somehow aware of this, and twirled again with a small wink. Fareeha snorted.

Do you like these shoes on me? Fareeha asked. And we both said yes. Like these shoes? We asked each other and said yes to each other. These shoes? These shoes.

Jesse kneels down and asks, Who gave you these shoes?

Nobody, Fareeha said. These are my mom’s. I found them.

At some point it gets late and we had a mission tomorrow and we took off the high heels. Fareeha shoved them in their respective boxes and put them in her closet again. She was tired, and so were we. We both said our goodnights and went to our rooms.


	12. Jack Likes Gabriel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i heard some dude call a girl's face tasty once and i cant honestly think of that as a serious compliment

I think Morrison likes mi papi, Jesse suddenly blurts out.

We are both in my room, at 5am. Doing nothing much but looking at the ceiling fan. 

Morrison likes your dad? I question.

I think so. He told me he thinks papi’s face is…..tasty, He says nervously and his lip is bleeding since he bit it too hard. 

Tasty? I repeat to him.

Tasty. He repeats back. 

Tasty…..tasty….I've never heard of that type of compliment before. Not about a face, anyways.

And Jesse throws his head back and chokes out a loud laugh. 

Tasty? Tasty! Tasty, tasty, tastyyyyyyyy, Jesse drags out.

We said it over and over. Tasty. Tasty. How can a face be tasty, we asked each other. Tasty echoed in the room.

It was 5 am, with nothing to do. Just me, Jesse, and the rain pouring hard outside.


	13. Dance In The Rain

Fareeha likes telling us things, girl things. She told us that amount of white marks on your fingernails is how many boys are thinking about you right now. And how conditioner is good for taking off hair on your legs. And how to do braids.

Sometimes at Friday night, around 9 pm, she would step out of her bedroom and sit outside once all the lights are off. It doesn't matter to her if it's cold or windy, but she takes a bottle of soda pop with her, and stares out somewhere we don't know. 

I saw her once, dancing under the heavy rain to an old song from many, many years ago. Under the one light that's always on. That's how she told what she would do Friday nights.

Dancing, humming a tune that doesn't exist, waiting for a shooting star. Waiting for her life to change. Something to grant her a wish.


	14. Prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mccree to gabriel from his cell : got games on ur phone?

He met me at the prison, Jesse said. In a cell.  
Young, too young, and not so ready to rot to death. In his stupid cowboy outfit and dirty shoes with those ridiculous spurs. Jesse, 17 and in prison.

Then one day, a man came. Gabriel Reyes. A large man with a stoic face and a beanie he never took off.

You know why you here, kid? He asked me, Jesse tries to mimic his voice.

I don't know, amigo, you tell me, and I laughed, He said.

He told me if I joined Blackwatch, with him, I would be scott free. That he didn't want to see me, just a nino, as he called me, stay here and waste my life. He said he believed he could give me a second chance, Jesse finished off.

Two beginnings, I say.

Two beginnings is right, sweetheart, and he hit my arm playfully.


	15. A Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay

He kissed me. Soft and slow. Just like that.

How did this happen? Is it fantasy, how.

I took off my face plate for the first time in front of him. Self conscious of my scarred ugly face and ruined eyebrows and a missing ear.

You're so….Jesse trails off.

Ugly, I think to myself. Ugly.

Pretty...woah. His eyes go wide and his mouth agape. He leans close towards me, hands gripping my wrists so hard I felt like he would crush my bones : It should be illegal to be that pretty. And like that he presses his lips against mine.

He tastes like lime soda and smells like bread and he kisses me with confidence. Jesse pulled back and with a smile.

Like that? He asks with an air of cockiness. His cheeks are pink and he's still smiling.

Yes yes I do, I answer. My lips feel warm and my foreheads all sweaty. I pull him by his collar and kiss him again, this time it's much faster and less softer and more intense.

He called me pretty. The pretty guy called me pretty.


	16. Fareeha and Genji

Papi decided to get us new clothes. Gabriel, I mean.

Fareeha is wearing a new dress, light blue with white flowers all over, blooming all at once, with black stockings and black flats. She laughs, dances, and laughs again. She's a laugher, like Lena.

Jesse is wearing a new outfit, and he looks strange, but handsome anyways. A suit and tie, clean and shinny and Gabriel made him shave. He's still wearing those stupid boots with spurs, much to Gabriel's disappointment and Fareeha amusement.

He got me a suit as well, and dress shoes. He handed them in a neatly folded way : Wear these, mi hijo. 

I feel embarrassed, and is it jealousy? Envy? When I look at Jesse. He's good looking, tall, with a pretty boy face and roguish charms to boot. He has a way with words.

My mom said he was quite the charmer, Fareeha told me with a smug tone. 

I felt...intimidated. Jesse would constantly look at me like I was the nicest thing he's ever seen, but I still felt like it should be doing that, not him. He's too good for me. Too pretty.

Fareeha, in her shiny black flats, kneels over me on the couch and says, Dance with me Genji, Dance with me. I can't. All I can do is shuffle my feet and shake my head, No no thanks. No thanks, and I tug at my sleeve. 

Then Fareeha pulls and keeps pulling my arm until I stand up and face her. She's a liar and says, Genji you are so pretty, you will dance with me, you're the prettiest one here, Jesse keeps staring at you. Do you see him? Looking at you like you're a very rare diamond. Dance with me, dance with me. 

And I believe her somehow, wholeheartedly, and she grabs both of my hands in her tiny ones with bruises and ripped skin, and we are dancing to no song. I don't want to, but she leads the way, her feet going back in forth and I follow along. Fareeha takes me in the center of the room, and I feel my feet dragging awkwardly along with her, since she's so small and I have to bend over. Look look! She announces, catching the attention of everyone in the hall and in the room. 

I spin her, and she laughs again, and her skinny, thin legs go with it. The doctor watches, Lena, Winston and some other people I can't notice, and I here Gabriel say, Woah, they're dancing like those people would in those old old movies, the musicals, the musicals. I forget about my thoughts of being ugly, of my scarred face and my one missing ear and my unruly hair as Fareeha takes dances and takes me wherever her feet decide to go.

I here loud clapping, a couple of whistles, and Fareeha having the largest smile, all teeth. Take a bow, she whispers to me, and I do, and she follows suit. And Jesse watched. Jesse watched me dance, and grinned.


	17. Owl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gabriel misses his old life

He leans on his left elbow on the table in his room, drinking coconut juice and listening to Spanish songs, sipping it too quickly and then tosses it somewhere in the corner. And grabs another one and keeps drinking again. That's what Jesse tells me his papi does sometimes.

He's upset, Jesse says, he misses home. He knows how to play guitar. Maybe you can ask him to play you something, and maybe he might play you a tune. 

He used to play in front of his porch, in his tiny house. And the younger kids would gather and hear him strum a tune and he wore an owl’s mask. He loves owls. Has he shown you the picture? The picture. The picture of him with an owl on his shoulder.

Jesse continues : He never planned on getting married to a nice lady like his dad wanted to, or have kids with her. He had other ambitions. Ambitions to meet a nice man and run away and live somewhere of his own. He liked a boy in his pueblo, but he never did anything about it.

Jack likes my papi, he thinks he's handsome. But papi doesn't feel the same. He doesn't trust Jack that much. Something...seems off about him, he told me once. 

And there Jesse is, picking at the skin of his thumbs until it bleeds. And he keeps picking it.

Jesse sighs, and wipes the blood on his pants. 

Papi said that he didn't need kids with someone else, that I was already his kid. His hijo. He sees you and Fareeha as his kids too.

Starting up again, thinking something I would probably never know, and I hold his hand for a reason I don't know why. He just puts his other hand over it, and keeps looking out.


	18. Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just feel like saying jesse calls gabriel "papi" in the most innocent way theres nothing sexual about it. thats what little kids call their dad.

Jack really likes papi. Gabriel, yeah. Jack really likes Gabriel.

At first I suspected it was Jesse overthinking things, or thinking that the looks Jack exchanged with his papi were anything more than dumb teasing to get Gabriel riled up. He really enjoyed getting Gabriel annoyed, for some reason. Entertainment, or just being annoying for the sake of being annoying? I don't know, I don't really know.

Gabriel didn't like it, it made him more frustrated and clench his fists real hard and close his eyes, like he was telling himself, it's just flirting, he's just flirting.

It's just flirting, I heard him say to himself. Just flirting. 

But flirting isn't supposed to be stressful, make you uncomfortable? Is it? Is this how it works. And Gabriel would sigh and slump in his seat.


	19. Muddy Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seriously who the hell invented that whole "boys cant play with girls" thing

Who was it that said to Fareeha she was too old to play in the dirt? To play in the dirt and mud with boys? Too old. Too old. And too old to play with boys anymore.

Who told her that. Jesse said, Let's go outside and play tag in the grass. But Fareeha said, no, I can't. Girls my age can't play with boys anymore. But I want to run as fast as the boys, and I wanna get my feet muddy.

Fareeha is 12. Who said that, I asked her. Who? Whoever said that clearly doesn't know what fun is. Join us. We won't mind. We are just kids, after all.

Jesse is 17 and Im 15 and shes 12. We aren't adults. 

And she slips off her nice shoes and puts on slippers and runs after me and Jesse, laughing her laugh again and twirling around, around. Around she goes.


	20. Her Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning for forced kissing? i dont know but if that makes you uncomfortable avoid this chapter

I guess something must have happened, because Doctor Ziegler called me over the intercom. It was really early in the morning, and Fareeha frowned and punched the couch hard when she saw me leaving. Jesse gave me a look and mouthed See you and I closed the door.

The doctor asked how I was doing and I said much better, and she smiled with red, red lips. Are we friends, she asked. I said yes, yes of course we are, you saved my life.

She said that she gets lonely during lunchtime and that if I would like to sit with her for just the day and I told her, Yes, yes of course I will. Doctor Ziegler unnerved me most of the time, especially when she was making my arm during the operation and she awkwardly grasped the arm and sighed. And when she said she was going to miss me a lot, because when she finishes the last limb, the left arm, that I would leave her office. It took her 3 weeks to finish that arm.

But she gave me kind eyes, all glittering blue like the sea, and I didn't feel so nervous anymore. And I smiled back, even though she couldn't see it, but it seemed like she knew I was.

Do you know what today is? Doctor Ziegler asked. No I don't, I answered.

Today is my birthday, she says, May I please get a birthday kiss for my birthday Genji? 

Because she saved my life and because she was nice to me, I take off the front of my faceplate I go on all toes and try to reach for her, since she's so tall and in those 7 inch black heels but I'm so short.

Instead, she grabs me by the shoulder and puts me back on my feet, sudden and out of the blue, kneels over and kisses me on my scarred mouth. It seems like she never lets go of me, and I stay there, unsure what to do.


	21. Bike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jack is a grumpy old man who screams at kids to get off his lawn

Fareeha found a bike. A small green one that she found behind the base. The bike is for all three all of us, she says thinking ahead. We agree to ride the bike all at once.

Jesse is the tallest one with the longest legs so he pedals the bike and Fareeha is petite and short so she goes on the handlebars and I sit on the bike seat. The ride feels very unstable and the bike wobbles a lot but Jesse and Fareeha are there laughing like they always do. I can't help but go along and laugh with them.

You wild kids, Jack grunts out as he looks out the window, Making so much noise.

You old man, Jesse says back to Jack with a mocking tone, Killing all the fun. And keeps pedaling faster as Fareeha sticks her tongue and we go into the front of the base. Around and back, and Fareeha says Faster faster Jesse, and he pushes his feet at even faster speed.

Ride faster, faster, until it feels like the wheels will give out. Past the base again, in the back, in the front, and down the sidewalk. Until Jack says we are being annoying and we have to stop being so silly because hey there's a mission tomorrow. Jesse stops and leaves the bike in the back where Fareeha found it and seems upset. Fareeha seems no different, and I feel the same.

Way to be a killjoy, Jesse says. 

What a party pooper, Fareeha adds. 

Yeah, no fun. I murmur. 

No fun at all.


	22. Jesse's Arm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning because genji gets an anxiety attack. also body dysphoria, genji gets flashbacks, mention of blood.

Why am I like this. This is so stupid.

I saw Jesse in the Doctor's operation room. His arm got blown off, she said. But I wasn't in the mood. The blood seemed to keep pouring and pouring and I don't know why but a part of me screamed to run away, run away, and I did.

I decided to hide in my room, and it felt the walls themselves told me to cry for a very long time and I did. I let the tears fall out and my helmet got too stuffy so I took off. I shut my eyes quickly and I saw the weird colors in my eyelids, and my face felt too hot and like someone took pins and stuck them all over me. Everything didn't feel right anymore.

I hiccuped, I wanted to will my heart to stop and to quit pumping, to be dead, to open my eyes and not seeing anything anymore. Willing and willing but all I got was a headache and my foot falling asleep.

If my brother seen me like this, I know what he would do. He would hug me and tell me it will be fine, and he would kiss my forehead and say, Genji it's going to be okay I promise, and my hands wouldn't feel like falling off anymore. I wished I wished, that I open my eyes and I saw him again and this never happened.

All I see is my fake fingers, and my fake feet. They don't feel like they are part of me, like this belongs to someone else, just not me.


	23. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> genji finally packs his bags and leaves

Several hundred miles of dirt and pavement, dreaming and still dreaming of returning to the life of being human once again. To feel the same things, to eat ramen again, to wake up at the edge of my bed and see my hands and feet and know they are still mine.

Searching for what. Where you going, Genji? Jesse asked. I don't know, I don't know. Not yet, my love.

I left.

They needed only one thing. To take down the clan. My work was done, my slate is clear, it's on the table and completed and they do not need me anymore. Overwatch will end soon, anyways.   
The public is having doubts about it, and Gabriel and Jack are in a bad situation and Jesse wants to leave and Fareeha is growing older. It's not the same anymore. 

I still love her. Fareeha, I mean. Shes 17 now and much taller than I, she was muscular and tough. She packs a heavy punch and is a great fighter, with a strong sense of justice. Things a lot of overwatch has lost sight of. She can hold her own. I will miss you, Genji, she said. I will miss you.

She will go far, I know it.

A small sense of doubt. Don't know where I'm going. Going somewhere, somewhere south. Or east or west or north. I still think of my old house, my fathers, with Hanzo most importantly. Hanzo and his long black hair and his serious laugh. Hanzo who used to be so happy.

Home smelled like something sweet, and it burned of incense because Hanzo liked having it in his room. A thought, a wish, a belief, he won't say. Just the sticks and their scent drifting from his room. He crosses his legs on the floor, eyes shut and saying, Genji, Genji, sit here. And I will sit there as he asked, cross my legs and shut my eyes just like him.


	24. Zenyatta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time skip because genji is 33 now

There, in front of me, is a place of worship. I've never been the religious type but the vicinity is lovely, and I can tell its full. Full of omnic monks, and I, mostly not human anymore, felt welcomed. And the ones inhabiting it seemed even more welcoming. They saw me as a poor man who didn't get what he deserved. Someone who needs help.

I met Zenyatta. He's much younger than me, he's just 18 and I'm 33 but he's also much smarter than I would ever dream of being. He had his small little room with an open window and the lights are almost never on. I prefer the light that comes from the sun, he said.

Zenyatta, an omnic monk, doesn't talk much except for when he really wants to say something, and when he does, it's always something meaningful. What's this, I ask him, pointing to the old book he has in his hands. The Tale Of Genji, he answers softly, I will be honest, I got the book because of the name. And he laughs, which is light-hearted and makes me grin too hard it hurts.


	25. Incense

They let me move in with Zenyatta. He didn't mind, and neither did I, and I stayed with him. 

In front of the temple one day came a dog. A sheepdog, with brown eyes and too much hair. It scrambled awkwardly up the steps to me, and licked at my feet. It's real big for a dog. It's clumsy and a bit energetic, and I can't help but pet its head and Zenyatta seems pleased.

Is this anyone's? I ask.

Not really, Genji. He says.

Do you like dogs? He asks all of the sudden, and the dog has already gotten away. 

I do, a lot actually. But I like cats more, I tell him.

You remind me a lot of a cat, actually, Zenyatta points at my helmet. I think it's those fins on your head, haha. 

My brother used to call me a sparrow because of my hair. I dyed it green. He also called me carrot cake, and tousled asparagus, I say embarrassed. Hanzo used to give me stupid and dumb nicknames to tease me, and he would say them in public which is even worse. 

Zenyatta seems amused and he chuckles a bit.

Do you miss your brother, Genji? He asks. 

I stop for a bit a wonder, wonder, do I miss him? I do, but I don't. I want to go back home, back to home with Hanzo and his incense and hair that slips out of my hand and his warm palms on mine. I remember the house, the brown walls and I don't belong to it and it does not belong to me. 

I don't say anything, and it aches to think about home. About Hanzo. Did he leave. Did he stay. Hanzo was too strong for the clan to have forever. They could not hold him by the two arms. He was free, and to say goodbye. 

He could pack his suitcase with candles and the sticks he likes to burn and his sword stained with my blood and go away. The clan will walk into his bedroom and whisper among themselves, Where is Hanzo? Hanzo with his swords and his hair ties of yellow silk and his clothes? Where did he go to, so far, far away? 

And I do not know either, and Zenyatta tells me, You don't need to answer anything you feel uncomfortable with Genji, but I start crying, and I rip off the faceplate and it clangs somewhere on the steps.

I miss him, I miss him so much, I force out with tears stinging the scabs I have on my face I got from picking at the scars. Hanzo, Hanzo, I miss him so much, so so much. 

Hanzo, Hanzo, million more times. Hanzo, Hanzo, Hanzo.


	26. Not Dead

He does not know yet, but I will come back one day for him. I will find him again one day, and look at him and say, Hanzo, Hanzo I'm not dead. Hanzo, I'm not dead. 

I wonder how he would feel about that.


	27. Satya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blue lego lesbians

Jesse and I still keep contact, but so rarely, so rarely, do we ever have the chance to talk. And Jesse had contact with Fareeha, but she was also always busy. He always seems to be off, fast and train hopping, light on his feet, and living the lone wolf life. Bringing justice, he says. Finally using these gunslinger skills for something good, he says.

Papi would want me to use my abilities to correct wrongs in the world, he said once before rushing to get off the phone because the officials found him on the train and the person driving the train told him he could hide in one of the closets. He had to leave again.

He tells me that Fareeha is well off and happy, yet sad all the same because she couldn't join Overwatch. She wanted to be a fighter like us, Genji, but I told her she really wouldn't want to if she knew what really happened, he told me.

Overwatch was bound to fall, they did...bad things. They kept you hostage, Genji. There's no way to get around the truth. They kept you captive, Jesse finishes off with a tone of voice that sounds frustrated and ticked off. 

And my throat felt itchy and my ears hurt and burned, because its true, its true. Even if I don't want to admit it yet.

Fareeha met a lady, Jesse rambles off, and I can imagine him tugging his hair or rubbing his beard. Her names Satya, I think? Yeah, yeah, Satya. Fareeha said she was a real pretty thing. Hair like Rapunzel and skin brown like chocolate, something sweet. Fareeha was off doing missions in India, I'm pretty sure? And there she saw the lady, who was crying. 

Jesse takes a break to breathe, and I hear him shuffle around, and what sounds like a broom falling. Anyways, he continues, Fareeha asked Why are you crying, Miss? And the lady, Satya, said, It's all my fault, all my fault. Couldn't stop crying, poor thing. 

Poor woman. He sighs, She apparently watched a girl she was friends with get burned in the fire. She saved, she saved the girl. But she was upset she didn't go sooner ya know? The girl had half her face scarred and burned, ruined. 

But Fareeha said she tried to comfort her, and she held the other lady's hand. And Satya, Satya. She just, Satya said thank you very much Miss, and kissed her on the lips right there in then.

Jesse shuffles around again, and he laughs : Fareeha really likes that lady. But she said she had to leave the next day, she wasn't happy about it. 

Are they keeping contact? I asked, genuinely curious, and I looked out Zenyatta's open window and it's already getting dark. 

She didn't tell me, Jesse answers, and already doors are slamming and someone shouting Cowboy! Cowboy! Get out of there get out get out!

Sorry, He says clearly tense, Sorry! S-s-sorry sorry sorry I have to, I have to-

A choked sob, and a sudden gasp for air on the other line.

Jesse? Jesse? Jesse what's happening Jesse? But despite me screaming he's screaming louder and a man is shouting, Cowboy, Cowboy, Cowboy! Get out get out you cowboy!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Genji, Genji, The- Genji I gotta go I gotta-

Don't worry about me, I say but I’m nervous and I think Jesse is holding back tears and he says, Okay, okay sweetheart.

I sit down again, not sure what to do besides worry for a good three hours until Zenyatta asks what's wrong, and its 22 pm, and it's so weird for me to be up this late, but I say nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong.

He said, okay, okay sweetheart. Okay, okay sweetheart. And cut the phone just like that.


	28. Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hanzo is a a douche
> 
> also no wonder genji got around he was kinda hot (still is) tbh lol

Hanzo was the one with dark mean eyes and had hair that he would tie into a ponytail. Orange and white clothes. Never smiles unless something really funny is said.

Every time, when I came home late, the same old story. Genji, He would say like an annoyed dad, Genji where have you been? It's almost 3 in the morning, Genji? Genji explain right now.

He was the older, and more wise brother, and as his younger, and more naive brother, I had to explain everything. 

She had a boyfriend, who was her roommate, they invited me over. He came over and we kissed and it, it just escalated. Kiss kiss kiss, and I don't remember the rest, Hanzo, I can tell you're judging me. Hanzo, I'm sorry, Hanzo.

Hanzo would just roll his eyes and say, Brother, brother, how can you just go around sleeping? But he won't expect a response from me and I would leave, nothing else to do but watch him give me dirty looks.

I would hear him through the walls of the bedrooms, him saying to himself, Why can't my brother understand. And he would sigh and keep sighing and sheets would shuffle around. 

Why couldn't I have gotten a smart brother, Hanzo said once. A brother that wasn't so...stupid. 

Him. Hanzo. He was the older, wiser brother, with bright future and good fate. 

Me. Genji. I was the younger, stupid brother, with no future and soon, no limbs.


	29. Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im watching nutshack videos

Do you wish to go back to your home? Zenyatta asks, and points to my old home in the picture he's holding. 

No, no. It's not my home anymore, Master, I say and I shake my head, no, no. Like I could undo and erase my whole childhood and memories of home, memories of Hanzo. If I just closed my eyes hard enough and clenched my hands hard enough

Zenyatta puts a hand on my shoulder, and turning around, says : You can't erase your past Genji. To accept your form now, you must accept your past. To fully move on, you must come to terms with your past. You must confront your brother.

And I just clasp my hands together and I look down and i don't say anything, because it's true. I don't want to accept it though.


	30. Initiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> genji remembering his initiation

Initiation was considered special, extraordinary, out of here and there. Hanzo did his already way back when he was 15. And I, naive, and sort of aloof, never suspected it to be anything too bad. It never occurred to me.

In the dark room, curtains closed and and Hanzo looking uneasy, sweating and grasping at his sleeves too much. Genji, he says, don't mess this up. Don't you dare mess this up.

The room was empty except for father, Hanzo, and a woman, with a white dress that reminded me of Fareeha's. She looked afraid, and just stared at me until she kneeled on the wooden floor, and Hanzo kept turning around and avoiding my gaze.

Until he spoke up, Genji, he speaks slowly, but he sounds like he's nervous and trying to hide it, Draw your sword.

Can blood freeze like ice, can a human heart stop at will? Can I make my veins stop working, to make my heart stop pumping, to make my limbs fall off and to just drop, drop, or maybe disappear? Just disappear and leave and never come back?

No no no, and I see a puddle of tears at my feet and the woman is crying, no no no.

I can not do this! I manage to get out, but Hanzo gives me a look and I don't care, I don't care.

I run, I run faster than usual, I leave I must. I can not, out the window and somewhere else. Somewhere else.

I never did the initiation.


	31. Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning for hanzo beating up genji. like he punches genji in this chapter. if siblings abusing other siblings makes you uncomfortable avoid this chapter.

He never hit me hard, I told to Zenyatta during our daily therapy session. Hanzo never hit me hard. It happened only twice. 

My mom would rub ointment and lotion on the bruises and the scrapes. But sometimes they turned black and blue and sting, and sometimes they got sore. My mom did not let me out the house whenever my face was swollen, because people would ask questions. And they would get Hanzo in trouble, and I didn't want to get him in trouble just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

Once I left the house and a girl, a girl with red hair told me to go to her apartment. She liked me a lot, she found me attractive. Until i arrived and my face was purple and all puffed up and she asked, Who did this to you? Who? And she put her hands on my cheeks and ran a finger over a scrape, and I flinched.

No one, I said, No one.

Once Hanzo got mad, but I don't know who he was mad at. Or what he was mad at. And he walked in my room, and then he turned his hands to fists.

It hurt, it hurt a lot, and he kept saying, You're not my brother, you're not my brother, you're not. I couldn't feel my face for a couple of days, and I wasn't allowed out again. If I was caught, he would just hit me again.

But one day Hanzo saw me sneaking out at midnight, talking to a guy and holding his hand. The next day my face was bruised again, and I had a black eye. 

He never hit hard though. It was to teach me a lesson right? I couldn't be fooling around. 

Zenyatta then says, Genji. It doesn't matter if it hurt. What matters is that he hit you. Genji, you can't just ignore that your own brother wanted to physically harm you.

Tears spilling, everything is foggy, No no no Hanzo would never want to hurt me, he loves me he loves me. No no.

Genji, I hear Zenyatta saying, but it sounds distant, like he's miles away and I'm not here. Genji. Fingers on mine, fingers on my back. 

My brother wouldn't want to hurt me if it wasn't for a reason, I choke out. 

But he did, Genji. You must accept that.

I can't, and I don’t want to.


	32. Flustered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji remembers the first time Mccree jerked him off. Good times.
> 
> Obvious warning implied sexual content. No actual fluids or genitals stated because I'm not about that life.
> 
> Also, asexual Mccree.

I sat there on the floor, and Mccree's practically on top of me, straddling my chest. He look all red and sweaty and nervous, and didn't want to undress until I told him to. He was heavier than I expected him to anyways.

You're gonna take off your helmet, G-Genji? He asks in a weird hushed tone I'm not used to hearing from him. Yes i am, I will, but I'm afraid and scared of my face, of the purple scars and the fact he was so handsome and i was so ugly. Being stupid, I took it off, and his eyes go all wide. I force myself to look at him so he doesn't notice I'm self-conscious . That would be embarrassing. 

Metal hand slides down, down there to my pants. They slip in slowly, and he gropes it and I know how this is going to go. I understand how this works. More groping, and his cheeks are all pink. Here it goes, here it goes now.

Hands go behind, another grope. Mmm, I say, unsure how to really talk or encourage. Biting my lip, I try to stay quiet because if I don't I will start babbling about how good it feels and how wet and sticky it is, and it's incredibly dumb to talk about the obvious. Mccree says, You want me to undress?

Yes, I answer, and he does what he does. Shirt off, scars. Pants off, more scars. You're going to keep that nice cowboy hat on while you practically jerk me off? I ask, and he just nods. Of course he would keep it on. What type of question was that.

It's all gross and awkward and I would randomly start giggling when he's there getting me off, loud laughter and snorts and more laughing. He says it's cute before continuing the whole process. I don't remember how many times it happened. 3 times? I don't know. But it felt good, felt familiar, and Mccree said he was okay with just doing the work. He was never interested in me giving him a favor, because the concept didn't get him aroused or anything. He actually felt repulsed at the idea of sexual encounters, no matter the gender. I respect that. 

He's my boyfriend. How can I not respect it? And he keeps taking me there, there to the good feelings, and he's laughing and I'm laughing because we are enjoying it too much.


	33. AMMONIA CLOUDS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning for being experimented on without consent, needles, blood, general medical equipment.

I remember the fear. The fear when I slowly opened my eyes, glanced around, lifting my hand and just seeing a very bloody hand. Just soaked in blood. And then looking everywhere else and it's just more blood. And then realize I'm not sweating, my forehead is wet with blood. 

And to see her. Angela. She smiled, smiled like it hurt to even stretch her lips. She scared me. More she neared me, she was older than me. She was my doctor.

Waiting, looking at my heart beat. She was oddly happy for someone watching a person slowly bleed to death. More smiling. Her lips were red. Blood red. She was pretty, but that just made me more uncomfortable.

She grabbed a needle of a tray, a small one, with clear liquid. She kept smiling, and I felt angrier and angrier the more she kept smiling. She's smiling at my pain. Grabs my arm, stretching a blue glove and then wrapping very tightly on my arm. 

Let me die, I sob, Let me die I don't want this. I don't want this. Let me die. Please don't, don't I don't want this.

Angela just smiles harder, Oh but you said you didn't want to die. Remember our conversation?

No no no, I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this. I don't I don't, I keep crying, and she just ties the blue glove.

I didn't know there was going to be a whole experiment, a whole cyborgization, I thought, I thought, I choke out and blood just spills out. She looks amused. This isn't funny, I tell her. This is not funny.

Genji, if you don't shut up. She suddenly bites back. But then she frowns, I'm sorry Genji. I love you very much. I didn't mean to be so rude. I love you so very much, you're so pretty, you know that Genji? Genji...when you came into my office, you're the prettiest person I've ever seen. 

I don't want this! I don't want this I don't want this! But she's slowly injecting the needle. It looks blurry now, her face suddenly turns purple, the office is now red. 

Hanzo, Hanzo please Hanzo please come back, where are you? Screaming and screaming more until Angela says, This will improve your body Genji. You will be a great fighter in our team. Genji, stop crying, please. You're making me feel bad. Genji it's just, you're my first experiment, please just let me do this. I'm going, I'm going to put you to sleep. I'm going to put you to sleep so you can't feel the pain, okay? Genji I'm. Please, stop crying! Stop it!

Colors everywhere, they're twirling, swirling. I just hear her crying, something about how she can't waste this chance to finally try this new experiment. To just relax and let it happen. I didn’t feel anything, I really didn't. I woke up not feeling a thing.

But I didn't want this. Jack, he lied to me. He said she was going to just operate on me. I didn't want this. I didn't. I don't care if it hurts or it doesn't, I didn't want this.


	34. Dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally we getting to the end holy jesus
> 
> also i think its pretty obvious that i hate hanzo lol

You're just imagining, you're lying. I think those women you slept around with so much are getting to your brain, Dad used to tell me. I would leave my room with a black eye and say, Dad! Dad! Hanzo hit me again, Hanzo, he hit me! And it's true, because he did. But dad never believed it. 

Or he would say, Hanzo is trying to teach you something, because he loves you. But now I know that is not true. And then he would go ask Hanzo and Hanzo would say I'm lying, because I'm a bad brother who is lying, and I want attention and dad would believe it just like that.

And then Hanzo would get mad and tell me that if i don't want to get hurt I shouldn't be sleeping around, being a gross slut or whatever he used to say. He said a lot of things. All that made me do was just keep sleeping around even more.

I'm here, again, at Hanamura. On a very special day. Usually special days for people are birthdays or wedding days or anniversaries, but today is special because it's the day I died. I always came around this day, incense scent was so strong, and Hanzo thought he was alone except for the moon watching him, but I was there too. He did the same thing, killing the omnic guards, only the omnic guards, and then flashing, wild, at night, like a spiderweb, something undetected, and he would go to the grave.

At first, I took this as a way to prove Hanzo still cares, that's somewhere, under stoic hard faces and cool exterior, somewhere, somewhere he still cared. But he doesn't. 

It's him, there, self-loathing, crying about how painful it feels. How it hurts so badly because he thinks his little brother died, but he didn't feel pain. He wasn't stabbed with the sword, he never had to feel the pain of someone putting 100 wires, against all wills and no matter how much you said no, she kept doing it. She kept touching the different parts and I wanted it to stop, but it never did, stop grabbing me, stop. He never had to feel the pain. 

He's looking over, sword shiny, clean, does he clean it regularly. Hanzo doesn't even look at me, more proof he does not care. Hands, calloused, on the bow, he's grabbing the arrows. I know what he will do, I know and I Know. To kill me, to end it again. 

He wanted to. I tried,I really did, told him, To please pick a side, please brother come back to me. Brother, please.

He didn't. He picked the bow and arrow tried to aim. And when I left and looked back, for a second, after calling me a fool, a fool for having faith. To hope and hope that someday he will come back.

But it never happened.


	35. BABYBABYの夢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally....the blue lego lesbians....theyre dating
> 
> im gonna wrap this up soon! like 6 chapters more i think and this is done.
> 
> also the chapter name is a song which you can listen to here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ET6657PH9gQ

Fareeha is there again, in all her glory. Hair is still there, gold beads glistening like the sun during its peak, glitter and shine. The same eyes, but a tattoo is adorned there. Chubby cheeks are now sharp jawlines and she's more serious, but she's 30 so that's expected. 

Monday, it was a Monday. Mondays go slow, nothing of interest really happens, until I came across Fareeha on a mission, in the same exact place I was traveling to again. Around lunchtime, where she sat somewhere with a lady. Brown skin, hair like rapunzel, it's the lady! Satya! The one Jesse said.

Usually I was shy, but the excitement boiled, last time I saw Fareeha was when she was barely 14, and leaving so suddenly, regret for not even saying Goodbye.

It seems like they were on a date, to me anyways. It seemed romantic, especially since they were so well dressed, Fareeha in a suit and the lady I think is Satya is wearing a nice dress, one of blue color. Fareeha’s favorite color.

Fareeha, I say, much more insecure than I intended, and she turns around and eyes widen, and the other looks confused. Muscular, rough arms, arms bigger than mine wrapped around me, and she picks me up, right there and then, in the air. With no effort. The other lady just turns red in the face and goes Oh! Very flustered.

Genji! Genji? You're so tiny! She practically screams, people are whipping their heads to face the three of us, Satya looks more embarrassed now.

Maybe you're too tall? I say back, snarky, and she starts laughing and puts me on my feet.

Maybe I am, She says in return and I snort. The lady walks behind her, hands on Fareeha shoulder.

Who’s this? She asks, with genuine curiosity. 

Genji, Fareeha motions to the lady, This is Satya. Seems like I guessed correctly, and Satya smiles warmly to me. 

Satya, Fareeha motions to me, This is Genji. 

Lovely to meet you, Genji, Satya says calmly.

Lovely to meet you, too, I tell her, and she smiles and Fareeha looks giddy.

Their love blooms like roses, like tulips, like a pretty flower, they can't let go of each other’s hand. Fareeha looks so in love, and she gets me a small soda, an orange soda. Just like we used to, with Jesse, Fareeha laughs carefreely.


	36. Hana Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dYPYAMxviw&index=15&list=RDh9wualcJuE4

Who is she. The girl with pink marks. That's Hana, they said. Thats Hana Song.

She's wearing a tight suit with shiny metal shoes that sparkle and cling together when she walks. They talk back to her every step. I like her shoes. She smiles all blinding teeth. I like her very much.

How old is she. 19 years old, they say. So accomplished for a 19 year old.

She giggles and finds amusement at anything and everything, and when she does she throws her long hair over her shoulders. Im surprised shes so happy, given the things she seen. But her mood is upbeat and loud and without limit, no wonder she likes Lucio. They're both all large grins and dimples and shouts.

She used to be a soldier, an ex-war veteran. An idol, a cool idol, Lucio said. I want her autograph, he said. So do I.

They called her a kid, and whenever they did she got upset and crossed her arms with a frown that seemed so sour. I'm not a kid, she says, I'm 19 years old. I can take care of myself. 

And with that she grabs her two guns and charges into battle. 

Why must you call her a kid, I ask the other members.

Because she is Genji, Mercy answers with a tone like a mother explaining something very very obvious. 

But she's 19.

Shes still a young adult, Genji. And Mercy seems done with me and I'm feeling the same.

It seems like the insist to keep calling her that. I'm going to be 98 and wrinkly and they're still going to call me a kid, I heard Hana tell Lucio once in the common room, and I heard him make a noise of disparagement.

Weird, he says back. They call me boy, for some reason. Looks like you aren't the only one, friend.

Aren't you 26, Lucio?

Yup, and he huffs a bit.

And they both sit there, on the old red couch I still remember from so many years back, and Hana keeps frowning and Lucio pats her on the back.


	37. She pushed her feet against the boardwalk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i like writing about hana while listening to vaporwave and thinking about those jazz cups from the 90s
> 
> hints of gencio lol cos i like that ship...mcgenji is still endgame but im actually writing a gencio one shot

Genji, was Jack like that to you too? Incredibly annoying and acts like a dad even though he's not, Hana asks me one day.

I remember it. When Jesse, Fareeha and I would run around the base playing tag and Jack would call us noisy kids and tell us to go to sleep. Jesse always got upset and Fareeha would groan and stomp her feet but we couldn't really do anything. 

Yes, he was, I tell her.

Hana and Lucio hung around along a lot in the back of the base. The place where Jesse and Fareeha and I rode that one rusty green bike, and Jack told us to stop and Jesse called him an old man. And where Fareeha liked to get her feet muddy and where Jesse kissed my lips, and where we danced around in heavy rain.

It's a yard, covered in a lot of dirt. A couple of trees, huge and large and never ending. There was some bees and birds, and flowers growing out of bushes. It smelled like earth and rain and something else I can't think of right now. Spiders all over the pebbles and rocks and ants crawling everywhere. The occasional mushrooms.

Don't tell him this, Hana whispers one day when we are in the back of the base, But I think Lucio is real handsome.

He is, I admit, but it comes out of mouth instead of in my brain and Hana starts to giggle. My face feels itchy and hot. I spit everywhere, because I'm sputtering and thoroughly embarrassed.

Oh my, she says, I think its his eyes. He has pretty eyes. What do you find handsome about him?

I feel like I'm a teenage girl gossiping to the other best friend in a cheesy slice of life movie set in a high school, but Hana smiles again and I can't help but keep talking.

His, his. I pause.

His face in general, I continue, His eyes, as you said. He has a nice smile. He's really muscular…

My cheeks are probably more red than any tomato in existence and I know it is for sure now because Hana is giggling again.

Would you let him benchpress on you if he offered to?

And I stop, my arm suddenly feels numb.

Yeah, totally. I say.

We are there, laughing and cackling, and she grabs my shoulder and screams, Oh my god Genji, oh my god, and my throat is dry and raspy. Its nice. She puts her head on my shoulder and she smiles again.

Once the laughs have stopped, and we have relaxed, I ask her a question that has been bothering me for quite a bit.

Doesn't it bother you when they call you a kid, that they treat you like a child?

She bites her tongue, and winces in pain. Kid, kid, kid, kid...She says in an annoyed and frustrated way. 

I hate it, Hana manages to say. They treat me like im glass, like if they even held my hand I would break instantly and I hate it I hate it. Am I not good enough for them Genji? It's so confusing, and this is so stupid, so stupid.

Genji, it eats away my self esteem. Am I that bad? Am i stupid, so stupid I'm a kid to them? Am i not skilled enough for them? I try so hard, I really do. Genji, do you think I'm a child?

No, no, I say with, and I'm being genuine. No, you're a brave one, Hana. Youre only human, it's okay to be upset with their treatment of you.

Am I burden on them? So useless that I'm just a kid, Hana's voice is ready to burst into tears, and it cracks. I should leave, I want to give up at this point. Who cares who cares.

And there Hana is, crying, her eyes squeezed shut and she shoves herself into my arms. Genji, Genji, should I give up?

No, no. You shouldn't. 

She never gave up. She played to win, and she will keep playing until she reached success. And even though success looked more far away than the distant galaxies, more far than the edge of the universe itself, she will get there. She was Hana Song, and she wasn't a quitter.


	38. Lúcio Correia dos Santos

Lúcio is 26 years old. He has a cute smile, and bright eyes and well built. I liked his voice. He would sometimes go up to my ear and ask nicely if I wanted to hear his music, a new jam, a song, and I swear my legs wouldn't work anymore. 

He's 26. Considered too young to be fighting in such types of battles. But he's 26. He didn't seem to glad being called a boy, but never said anything. The other teammates admired him but thought he was naive and never seemed to take anything he said seriously, much to Hana's chargin.

Lúcio was in the yard with Hana and I that's in the back of the base when he said something interesting.

There's so much sadness around here, don't you think Genji? And he nudges me in the forearm.

Everyone seems so, melodramatic. There's so many pretty things and they don't take time to loosen up and enjoy. Like those butterflies or those flowers or even each other, He finishes off.

And Lúcio leans on one elbow, the same way Jesse and Gabriel did, and looks out into the sky. Thinking something I can't even guess about. The sky is so nice and blue, more blue than most gemstones and the sea, and Hana seems to be admiring the clouds that look wispy.

Everyone is inside, except for us three. Lúcio, Hana and I, looking at clouds and the sky to keep us entertained. To keep us safe, even when we leave.


	39. Lentil soup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry i havent been posting in like the past 4 something days, ive been messing around watching nutshack videos, listening to death's dynamic shroud wmv and that new blank banshee album
> 
> anyways here it is
> 
> btw to avoid confusion, this is genji remembering stuff from the old overwatch days when fareeha was only 12 etc

Eat this up, Fareeha, Jesse says sliding a plate of soup towards her, sloshing a bit in the bowl. Her nose wrinkles up a bit, sniffing it before giving a face like she's disgusted, and pushes it back, just for Jesse to slide it back again to her.

Oh no, He says like a father explaining something to his child, pointing at her with a spoon. No miss, you have to eat that. Eat it or else no soda afterwards, make that bowl spotless, Jesse tells Fareeha, and Fareeha sniffs it again before nervously bringing a small amount in her spoon to her mouth.

She gives a hum of approval, much to Jesse’s happiness, he grins loud and clear, teeth all showing and his missing canine. What is this? She asks, before taking a bigger amount and gulping it down quickly. She keeps eating it, quicker and quicker, already half way through. I imagine it tastes lovely, it smells savory. Like pepper and something else.

Lentil soup, He answers with a tip of the hat, before taking a seat next to Fareeha and impressed thats shes almost done. 

You made this yourself? Fareeha asks, interested and already cleared her bowl. Yes, he said, clearly proud before winking at me and her making himself giggle. He liked to laugh, a lot, didn't matter at what. 

It's nice and dandy until Jack asks who gave Jesse permission to feed Fareeha, and he shrugs his shoulders looking annoyed before telling Jack to leave her alone because he's not her dad and Jack leaves even more annoyed.

Just ignore that old man, alright buddy? Jesse says ruffling Fareeha’s hair and she chuckles behind a hand.


	40. Where to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey there im listening to vaporwave over and over and it was 12 am at the time i wrote this and nothing feels weirder than listening to vaporwave at 12 am let me tell you that
> 
> heres the song i was listening to if youre curious it kind of fits i guess
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF9yHO-UUws

You know, you got a real pretty face, Jesse absentmindedly comments while he's pushing leaves down on grass that was wet and stuck to the bottom of his shoes. 

Heart of gold, He continues looking at the sunset, and his eyes seem to follow it, watching it turn slowly into the night, and he doesn't seem to stop following it. The sky orange like a sweet dessert, like tangerines, and August always feels so strange because it feels empty, empty but in a nice way. Like slowly preparing for the fall, and Jesse puts his hand on mine.

Can we go to the boardwalk, like we used to? He asks me, and I don't know what to say, since that felt like many ages ago, when we were teenagers confused and lonely, so lonely, and we didn't like staying in one place. It was a date when we went to the boardwalk, a pretty day that felt very warm and weirdly empty, like we were the only ones there.

Last time we did that, I was 16, I say before kicking a pebble to the side, and putting my spare hand on Jesse’s before pressing it against my helmet, like a kiss but not the same, instead of scarred lips it was sleek metal that was cold. 

I know that, but I still miss it, Jesse says, leaning over to kiss the side of the helmet, hot and burning, and sort of wet, it felt so strong, everything felt strong in this form.

Same here, Jesse. Maybe we can do that tomorrow, I tell him and he smiles cheekily. 

Tomorrow, tomorrow to the boardwalk.


	41. Have Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to clear this up hana and Lúcio are not dating at all

How you meet her? Jesse asks Lúcio , gesturing to Hana and she smiled excitedly.

At one of my gigs, He answered slapping Hana’s back playfully and she says, I was there in pink pants and a blouse. I didn't know how to dance. The harlem, the cumba, the salsa, I know none of them. But I liked to dance, and I've always liked Lúcio ’s music, so I went there.

Hana, she likes to go to those dances, the ones she can find, Uptown. Downtown. Only dance she knew how to do was the chicken. Until Lúcio saw her and said, You're one of my favorite idols! And took her on the stage with what I think were most likely flashing lights, green floors, frogs, and how weird it must have been to see a tall lady get swung around by a person half her height.

What was she doing out so late, anyways. Hana in her pink pants and blouse and silver shoes that sparkled with each step, taking her up and down on the stage. Shiny new shoes and new pants. Going to a dance, going to a fun dance.


	42. Her Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey fareeha x satya endgame ship
> 
> finally,,,married

All at once Satya bloomed, soft and short, and nice to look at. With tiny shoes, dress blue like morning glory vines, and the dress that smelled like vanilla ice cream, she always smelled nice.

Are you nervous? Jess asks Fareeha, who was busy trying to tie the tie on her suit, and her fingers trembled a bit every time she almost got the knot correctly, and it came undone again. Jesse goes over and does her tie for her, and she sighs in relief and chokes out a Thank You.

Fareeha wore the satin black dress shoes, the pale blue tie and smelling like fruity perfume, the black blazer. Fareeha who was tall with broad shoulders and large arms and beautiful.

I'm incredibly nervous, She admits while chewing a finger and going back and forth across the dressing room. Brave and courageous, and suddenly nervous.

You're only human, Fareeha, I say and she just grabs my wrists and smiles and looks like she's going to cry, going to cry because she's nervous and this is the day, the day she will finally be one with Satya. One with Satya under the white moon and millions of stars, in the little blue house they got. 

Thank you both so much, and she starts tearing up unable to contain it like she was for a while, I just can't believe it, She says before wiping them away and breaking into a smile. 

Satya and Fareeha, both in blue, in love, it's true. It really is.


	43. Tuesdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rich guy genji meets poor guy mccree

It's a Tuesday again, and Jesse likes to stay up late because he wants to play cards, and despite the fact I'm not so good at it, I mess up some cards sometimes, he lets me play anyways. 

He enjoys telling stories, retellings of distant memories, he says he does this so he doesn't completely lose connection to what he really is at heart. A poor native kid just trying to get away from everyone, He said.  
He always wanted to get away because sometimes his mother saw his friend’s getting girlfriends so young, messing with the bad types of girls, and she kept him isolated in hopes he wouldn't want to get out, because the girls thought Jesse was handsome. Mama used to tell those girls would the ones who would go into an alley with a man, Jesse says. Sometimes his mom locked his door because she really didn't want him to leave. 

My mother was the same way, I say, my mother who did not like me leaving the house because she said a boy like me can get into serious trouble. Maybe she said that because my father didn't let her leave the house either. I never learned why she couldn't ever leave.

Jesse said as a kid he was friends with a rich American girl from some uptown, who’s mom hired his mom to clean her house and take care of the girl, and she ended up getting a sister three years later. Their friendship did not last long because her ex boyfriend came over once and saw Jesse and thought they were flirting and he beat Jesse up. He had to go to the hospital because he was bleeding too much. 

The friendship ended when he put his fist under my jaw, He said.

Deadlock is a sensitive subject, until he told me many years ago he went to sleep on a nice Saturday night, and he woke up next morning in a strange room with no lights and someone on top of him. He could've ran, he knew how to, there was a door right there. But he didn't, because they promised they would give him juice and let him keep the bed and new shoes, a pair of boots, and the juice was sweet, sweet like the promises they gave. 

It still bothers me, the idea that someone could give up their life at age 14 because someone offered juice, and a bed. Didn't everyone have their own bed? What's so special about a bed and some juice?

Until he says he used to eat sandwiches with rice instead of meat, because that was too expensive, and he had to go to the laundromat every day because they had empty milk gallons they filled with water because water sometimes was too much to pay for.

So long, living in oblivion, thinking everyone had their own bed. So crazy, really, how small the world I thought of was.


	44. Loving is Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....i swear ill wrap this up soon,,,ive just been wanting to add a lot lol!!

No crazy neighbors, no strange man pressing a hand against your back, no sword, just your incense sticks and your silk ties and arrows. 

Did you sometimes dream of leaving? Leaving the castle. Wishing that when you walked back from the store, bags in hand, your feet took you past the castle, past Hanamura, past the whole country, to somewhere nicer? You can go and sleep, sleep with calmness, forgetting about me and sometimes maybe what happened, and look outside and see blue skies and clouds tangled in each other, and you can not remember, not remember life before it? You can dream, dream all you can, all you want, because Father never let you dream, you were too busy looking fake pretty and frowning. Aren't you worried you will start looking old so young, with all the frowning, your face will get stuck like a mask glued to your face? 

I'm sorry, Genji, you said. And you wrapped so hard my body felt like it would burst, because it's so tight and your arms are crushing me and I couldn't hug back, I wanted to. 

Genji, I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, again you apologize, but even though I forgive you, you keep saying it, I'm sorry I'm sorry. You keep crying, it looks like it stings your eyes, and they are wetting your cheeks, stop crying, please stop crying. I'm going to cry, Hanzo please.

Hanzo please, stop. Stop, don't. I cannot.

All I ever wanted, was to be a good brother for you Genji. Genji are you listening? Are you crying? Don't cry, little brother. 

I've waited for you to say sorry, Hanzo.

I'm, I'm so sorry. I really am, brother.

Your arms go around me again, and you rub my back and say sorry until your face swells up a lot and you keep crying, but it's okay, because you're here and that's all I ever wanted, all this time.


	45. Liars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning for amputation, medical stuff in general, operations without consent

Angela was the doctor who saved my life. She was also a liar. 

She lied, she lied a lot. 

She was something out of a storybook, an angel, with blue eyes like orchids in the spring and smooth gold hair, and a smile that was red and motherly, maternal, warm. Like a hug or a blanket or the feeling of sun on a cold winter day. Her voice was soft, concerned, serious but had a hint of a laugh. But she lied.

I was waiting, waiting in the hospital bed with blood dripping from my mouth whenever I tried to speak, so she told me to relax and it would be okay. I was going to be okay, because she joked around and laughed, holding my hands in her’s and saying it was okay, it will be okay, because she won't let me die. 

Until one day she lied, it ended there.  
She cut off an arm, but why? Don't worry, it won't work anyways. She cut off the other, she said it wouldn't work either.

I woke up, my legs are gone. Did you cut my legs off as well? I asked, and she said they won't work anymore, that she tried and tried and tried and the nerves didn't function and that they got infected. 

Sometimes she gave me a drink, saying to drink it, it was to relieve the pain, and I would fall asleep and wake up once again to see now, my torso is half gone. Where’s my stomach? I ask, and I want to cry, because it seems like she finds it funny because she's laughing and lying, now I realize, she's lying. It wouldn't work anymore Genji, she says too happy to be the truth. It wouldn't, I swear.

You said you would just save my life, Angela. 

I did, she answers, I did, and it's true. I'm just following orders.

Jack said-

Jack said nothing, she grunts out, and I fall asleep and wake up and there's a new arm and two new legs, and new torso but it doesn't feel the same.

You lied to me, Angela. I’m already crying, because this doesn't feel correct.

I did, she answers, I did.


	46. Announcement

I know its been so long since I posted and I apologize! Ive been emotionally drained and I dont ship Mcgenji much anymore, however I do have some chapters saved and I will post the finished chapters. That is all.


	47. Gabriel

Where's Gabriel now? I ask Jesse, and he starts tensing up, another sensitive subject, and he bites his lip, and peels off skin, its bleeding, he won't wipe it off, I feel sick again.

 

He asked me to leave Blackwatch not even a year after you left, Genji, He says and takes out a cigarette, another nervous habit, and lights it, hands shaking when he does so. He grips it hard, and he looks upset, and I don't know what to do besides put a hand on his shoulder, he does not respond.

 

I-I wanted to leave with him, I didn't want to leave without him, He was my family. He was, he was-

 

Like your father, I say, and he nods in agreement, and tears start to form a small spot on the floor. He was my father, He suddenly shouts, and he seems angered and starts to run his hands down his face.

 

Jesse, Jesse.

 

Yes?

 

Where did he go?

 

He's not here anymore, Genji. He's dead. Hes gone, he went away along with Jack. They're both gone, along with Ana. I'm sorry I should've told you earlier, I'm sorry, Jesse blurts out very quickly and frowns once more. 

 

He feels lonely again.


End file.
